I’ll be 39 weeks on Friday. I feel gigantic, my feet are swollen, my back hurts and I can’t seem to sleep anymore (what’s up I’ve been awake since 3:45am!) so I’m starting to get a little impatient. I’m normally a great sleeper, so I don’t know what to do when I’m wide awake all by myself in the middle of the night for hours. Insomniacs, what do you do? Should I go downstairs and start watching Netflix? Clean? Cook? Work on a cross-stitch project or something? I usually just lay in my bed Googling stuff or playing word games on my phone trying to make myself drowsy.

Last night during my unslumber (yeah, just made that word up) I learned that I should eat around 2200 calories per day while breastfeeding! That seems like so much. I also learned how I should enter breast feeding into My Fitness Pal. I’m super gung ho on nursing successfully this time, since I didn’t produce like, anything with Vada and she was starving and not gaining weight regardless of me nursing her pretty much non-stop. I think that most likely happened because I wasn’t consuming enough calories. I would always forget to eat. A lot of times I just… don’t get hungry. I’ll just feel like shit all of a sudden and by then I feel too yucky to want to eat. It’s stupid.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. Hopefully we’ve made some progress! Last week I was at 2cm, which was exciting because I was only at a 2 with Vada after hours of consistant, hard contractions. So far I’ve only had a few “good” contractions here and there, but nothing exciting.

Everything is pretty much in order and ready, so I feel like I kind of just wander around cleaning things and staring into space all day, just… waiting.

Besides the impatience, I’m still feeling really positive about this pregnancy and about having a newborn. Sometimes I get a little nervous about the whole labor/delivery thing, but most days I’m just excited to meet this little girl. I’m feeling like I might not have to deal with stupid PPD again. I plan on asking my doctor tomorrow to sort of harass me about it at my postpartum checkup. Last time I lied and said everything was fine when really I was totally sad and my anxiety was through the roof! Last time was a really, really big (HUGE) change from my normal life, though. And I mean, obviously it will be a change adding a newborn to the mix, but at least I have an idea of what to expect. With Vada, I went from working in the public and living with a bunch of roommates to being pretty much all alone, all the time, completely inexperienced as a mother with a colicky infant. It wasn’t good. I think I’ve got it this time, though. And if I don’t (you never know what those crazy hormones will do) then I’m not afraid to ask for help.

I’m looking forward to this weekend, hopefully the last one before baby gets here. If she decides she’s ready to hang out this weekend, I’m into that, too! I’m ready for the next phase. ♥

PS – Tomorrow this tiny tater tot turns THREE!!!