We have these annoying climbing vines that try to take over the front of our house. They grow so fast and just appear out of nowhere! I cracked up when I walked outside this evening and saw this. Our porch is under attack! ♥
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I have always envisioned myself as a stay at home mom. It’s what I’ve always wanted to be! But for some reason that vision totally skipped right over the infancy through preschooler period of my imaginary childrens’ lives. It was always more of me as a soccer mom/PTA-goer, toting around my elementary/middle schoolers. Bringing orange wedges to the game for all the kids to share. Brownie troop leader. Prepping Thanksgiving dinner with my tweens. Sitting around the table helping my high school kids with their science projects and proofreading essays. Making pancakes for everyone the morning after a slumber party.
Being the mom of a three year old has been hard. So hard. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life so far. I have so many qualities that aren’t compatible with the three year old mindset. For example! I’m not very good at make-believe. I’m strict. I expect good behavior at all times. I enjoy having a very tidy house. Having a three year old leaves me feeling completely inadequate most days.
I don’t know, maybe if I could just focus on being the stay-at-home mom of a three year old and 9 week old, things would be easier. But for some reason I’m not content being “just” a stay-at-home mom. I, for some reason, insist on being a work-at-home mom with too many hobbies and aspirations. I have to have my own business and a part time job and a blog and make quilts and knit and be an aspiring photographer and cook! Which leaves me feeling extra inadequate, because I can’t devote the necessary attention to any one of my obligations.
I feel stuck, guys.
The only thing Vada wanted to do alllll weekend was to take the car to the carwash, but it kept raining. I love the rain when I’m not obligated to leave the house. Typing that sentence just made me realize that I am actually obligated to leave the house today. Almost every single morning I say to myself, “Today is the day! I am not going anywhere. I’m going to have a lazy day inside.” Ha! Maybe tomorrow? Maybe not though. I actually like running around doing stuff – it keeps me happy. What I would like though is for both girls to take a nap at the same time so I could take one too. That would rule.
At least when Vada’s napping (and when it’s only Liza and me up in the middle of the night) I can sneak in some adult television. I just finished watching the first season of Girls on HBO, which I totally loved. I actually looked forward to waking up at 3 or 4am with the baby so I could watch it… I can’t wait for the next season! It took me a while to decide what to watch next. I was thinking Boardwalk Empire but decided it might be a little too violent for middle-of-the-night, all-by-myself viewing. So I finally landed on Mad Men, which my friend Lindsay suggested. I used to watch it when it first started, but I stopped for some reason and when I tried to start watching it again I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I’m looking forward to the drama!
I’ve also been entertaining myself by listening to Harry Potter audiobooks. (Which has almost caused me to start using British phrases that would make me sound ridiculous in the U.S. Like yesterday I thought to myself, “Where are those bloody scissors?!” Uhhh….) I’ve taken two trips to my parents’ so far this summer and the
books on tape audiobooks really help to pass the time. Although I started the series over when I got it on tape audio, I’ve actually read the first two books and part of number three, but I haven’t seen any of the movies. I wanted to watch the corresponding movie after I’d finished each book, but I can’t find the old ones available for rent anywhere. (I’ve checked Netflix, Apple TV and Redbox.) I guess I could wait until they all come out as a giant box set and watch all the movies in a row? What’s a girl to do? ♥
Losing weight isn’t something I ever really have to think about. Luckily, I’ve always been one of those people who just kind of stays at the same weight no matter what I do. I pretty much eat whatever I want (within reason) and exercise here and there and manage to keep myself in shape. With that being said, when it comes time for me to have to lose a few pounds, I kind of suck at it. Dieting drives me crazy. When I restrict myself from eating something it just makes me think about it nonstop until I freak out and eat the entire bag of oreos (etc.) And I’m not really that into exercising. I like yoga because it’s relaxing. And I don’t mind doing the elliptical if I have someone to talk to or if something good is on TV. But I guess I’m going to have to at least temporarily change my habits to get rid of this baby weight.
I gained about 35 pounds during my pregnancy. (I weighed exactly the same at the start and finish of this pregnancy as I did when I was pregnant with Vada!) I dropped 20 of that in about two weeks just by… living? I don’t know, it must have been water weight. So now I’m left with 12-15 pounds of “leftovers” that I’m going to have to do something about. Exercise and calorie counting, here I come! I’m going to be using the MyFitnessPal app to help me keep track of everything. (Follow me! My user name is LindsaySzechenyi) Based on my current stats (5’5″/135lbs/29 years old/”lightly active”) I’m only supposed to consume 1310 calories per day in order to lose 1lb/week. That seems like I’d be starving to death, and I’m not really trying to torture myself, so I’m allowing myself an even 1600/day.
For exercise, I’m planning on doing yoga twice a week, a little weight training at the Y, and I also want to try running again. I suck at running and I really, realllllyyyyy hate it, but it’s one of those things that I’ve always wanted to master. I want to do one of those 5k Color Runs, so I’m going to be using the Couch-to-5k app to start training. I tried this once last year and was doing a great job until I managed to injure myself three weeks in. Things were smooth sailing on the treadmill, but then I tried running outside and ended up with patellar tendonitis. It sucked. I could hardly walk up the stairs! I don’t know why it happened, I have really great shoes that I was fitted for at a specialty running store and everything. Oh well, I’m trying again, so we’ll see!
Aside from the need to shed the baby weight, I want to make physical fitness a bigger priority in my life. I want to like to exercise. It feels good to be in shape. And… I want abs and surfer arms again. ♥
Greg and I got to go on a “date day” yesterday. We usually go out in the afternoon/early evenings instead of having date nights because it’s just easier. We get home in time to put the kids to bed and are able to settle and veg out for a little while before we hit the pillows ourselves.
We went to see Moonrise Kingdom, which I completely fell in love with. I like all of Wes Anderson’s films, but this one definitely ranks up there with The Royal Tenenbaums and Rushmore as one of my favorites… maybe one of my favorite movies ever. The young love and the innocence and honesty of the main characters, Sam and Suzy, really just tugged at my heart. The cinematography was beautiful and interesting and the soundtrack was fantastic (to be expected.) The story was romantic and sweet, suspenseful and a little silly. The entire film was just so charming! Are you ever just happy that something exists and thankful that you’ve been able to experience it? That’s how I feel about it. I can’t wait to watch it like sixty more times. ♥
I’ve always had really vivid dreams.
A lot of times they’re really stressful, and I wake up feeling like I didn’t even go to sleep. Like, I’ll dream I’m an assassin or a ninja fighting people on rooftops with helicopters shooting at me and fireballs everywhere. Or a tornado’s coming and I’m trying to warn everyone but they WON’T LISTEN! Sometimes they’re so intense I’ll wake up sobbing, like the time I dreamed that a wave came and washed Vada out to sea and we never found her. I think that’s the worst dream I’ve ever had.
But sometimes they’re just totally random and stupid. Last night I dreamed that Mitt Romney came to Roanoke in the form of Jason Sudeikis from SNL. He was campaigning I guess, and when he went up on stage to speak, he was preceded by a group of professional ballerinas. The night before, I dreamed I was in some dark barn/arena/cave place. I looked up to the ceiling when a light was shining for a second and saw thousands of monarch butterflies. The light apparently woke them up and they started flying around all over the place and eventually we were all covered in butterflies. Kim Kardashian was there, except she wasn’t a celebrity, just a normal person, like a close friend, and she was asking me what I thought about the hideous outfit she was wearing. I told her it looked terrible.
And sometimes they can be completely stupid and stressful at the same time. Like the time I dreamed I was being chased through the Grand Canyon by Captain Caveman.
Greg often dreams that he can jump really high and far, or run super fast. My sister dreams she is floating or flying. I never have special powers in my dreams. And I can’t do the lucid dreaming thing, either. Any time I’ve been close to lucid and think “oh hey, I’m dreaming!” I just wake up.
My boss dreams up awesome business ideas. Any time I dream anything worthwhile, I forget it by morning.
I’ve had such vivd dreams about people I’ve known who have died, I truly believe their spirits are contacting me from the other side. I wish my grandma would visit me in a dream some time, although I think she shows that she’s around in different, deeper ways.
Sometimes I’ll have dreams over a long period of time that all take place in the same made-up dream place. That kind of creeps me out.
My favorite dreams ever though, are the ones where I wake myself up laughing. It’s only happened a handful of times, but it’s definitely the best feeling.
I had the baby blues for about two or three weeks after the baby was born and was really worried that postpartum depression would get me again, but it looks like I might have it beat this time around. We’ll see… I know it could still creep up on me, but things are just so different this time. I’m SO happy and my anxiety is in check.
Not having a colicky baby helps a LOT. I feel so much more confident this time just having the ability to soothe my crying baby. I’ve also been trying to be super responsible and go to bed early, sleep or rest when the baby sleeps during the day, (it seems like as long as I get a total of six hours of sleep in each 24 hour period then I’m good) and I make sure I take my vitamins, eat enough and drink plenty of water. I can definitely feel it when I start slacking in one of those categories – I turn into an overly sensitive crybaby. I take a shower and put makeup on every day. I don’t let myself get too stressed out about not being able to get everything done. (Hello messy house!) I know from experience now that it’s impossible to do it all with a newborn. I also get out of the house a lot, sometimes without kids!
Greg has been the BEST helper. He does a little bit of everything and makes my life so much easier. It feels like we are more in love than ever. It’s funny how you think you can love someone as much as you possibly can, and then somehow it finds some room to grow even more.
Sorry to be so mushy! Can’t help it. Also, hopefully this post makes sense. I’m still pretty tired most of the time and my brain can fail me. Like tonight when I said “21th” as in “twenty-oneth” … ♥
Liza is four weeks old today, so I guess it’s about time I posted a proper photo of her! I took/edited this really quickly today while Vada was taking her nap, so I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out. The bunny hat was the first thing I ever bought for her after we found out we were having another girl.
Things have been going smoothly with little Liza so far. She’s super sweet and sleepy and content. She only cries a little bit and it’s usually pretty easy to console her when she does. She loves to be swaddled and rocked and snuggled. She looks so much like Greg! I think the first thing I said after she was born was that she has Greg’s nose :) She likes taking a bath and her hair sticks up all over the place after it’s washed, making her look even more like her daddy. Vada is starting to warm up to her and it’s so sweet to see her taking care of her little sister. I can’t wait to watch them grow up together. So happy! :) ♥
Vada had her very first ballet lesson yesterday afternoon and she LOVED it. Parents weren’t allowed to watch but we could hear everything and it sounded pretty hilarious. There was a lot of of stomping and jumping, running around like butterflies and yelling “HAPPY!” When the class was over, she ran around from behind the big curtain and yelled “I HAD FUN, MAMA!” It looks like we’ll be signing up for the next round of classes!
We also signed Vada up for preschool starting in September. I can’t believe all of this stuff is happening already! It’s so bittersweet watching your babies grow up. Sometimes you wish you could stop the clock, but at the same time it’s so fun to watch them blossom into their own little people. ♥